Who’s Up For The Challenge? Surrendering …….

   It can be difficult to remember what’s important. This morning I was lamenting about lost opportunities…things that my flesh truly desires…things that aren’t unreasonable…..then I checked my news…and found this….. 

http://aclj.org/iran/jay-sekulow-obama-administration-betrays-american-pastor-in-iranian-deal-that-leaves-u.s.-citizen-imprisoned-because-of-his-faith?sf19846026=1

   I feel chastened for certain….but also….I wonder….during this season when we count our blessings…yet feel more depressed than any other time of year….how many others are struggling and need the message that something else matters more than the desires of our hearts….that maybe…those desires need to die….we need to surrender….we need to let the Father of Glory change those desires? I need it. I’m not writing from the perspective that sees only the clouds and struggles to see “those little people down there who need help”. Nope. I am in the mud. Needing the reminder. 

   It is like a spiritual kick in the pants…a much needed one I might add. Who am I to go pouting about like I deserve anything…I mean…really…. 

   My son is moving away in a few short weeks. My life is changing. All mothers feel this when their children begin leaving. I don’t need sweet words. Those don’t help me. But my son is not in a prison being tortured. I don’t have the home I want…and no…I don’t need to be told to count my blessings…it just irritates me. But…I met a homeless vet this past week. I don’t have even the basics of what I want…but I’m not homeless. 

    I fight with my weight and think surely there’s an end to this battle…but just Sunday I was reminded of a woman at church who is fighting cancer. 

    I don’t always like my husband…be honest…you’ve felt that too….and sometimes I wonder “what was I thinking”…..but then I heard the story of the husband who shot his wife…and mine is just a little dopey at times in what he thinks….yeah…wake up call there for sure. 

   You see….for all the things that we struggle with….that we don’t like…that embarrass us or infuriate us or make us question just how fair life is…there are people who are struggling worse than we can ever think about….our job is to settle this in our minds and work to build the self control in our thought life not to let the spirit of discontent to settle in. What ever it takes. What ever that means. We have to stop it. It’s dangerous. It wastes time. And remember…the children of Israel weren’t grateful. It was one of the things that angered the Lord the most. Real wake up call there. 

   I am not in charge of my life. I don’t know His plans…but I belong to Him and it is high time I stopped trying to run the show. It is high time I stopped trying to decide what is fair or what is good or buying in to this agenda which creates discontent in each and every one of us because it feeds the lust of our flesh. Saying no to those things and yes to more noble things is hard. I’m not gonna kid you. But I’m convinced the rewards on the other side are well worth the battle. 

    The priest always says….”Go in peace…glorifying God with your life”…..that’s my battle cry this morning….. who’s up for the challenge? 

                             

Things More Noble….

Autumn is here…. we see the sights, sounds, aromas. Pumpkin has already been cooked and shared in various forms…be they breads, pies or rolls. We have enjoyed the colorful display of God’s creation…. we’ve breathed in a sigh of relief as the heat of summer as finally given way to the gentle Autumn breezes. We are at peace. Or… perhaps we struggle during this season. The process of nature gently beginning the season’s slumber gives us the sense of death…endings rather than beginnings…we feel sad…depressed…discouraged. This is a difficult season for many.

We have celebrated with friends and family. We have rejoiced as the new season has come in….now we begin to turn our hearts to things higher…perhaps more noble….we give thanks….

 

The Father has been so good to us this year. He has supplied our needs. We’ve been fed. We’ve been housed. We’ve been clothed. We’ve been able to see moments of joy. We have seen struggles…but we’ve seen His hand of mercy carry us through. For these things…for the provision of the harvest throughout the year…we give thanks.

                                       For time spent with special friends in dear hide aways…

 

For every sunrise we saw…..every breeze we felt…

For every moment we spent with our kids….

For time with loved ones…..

 

Did we see the precious? Did we see even one moment when we could recognize God in something around us? Did we know His goodness? Were we breathing? Then yes…we knew His goodness. He has so much to offer us…and He doesn’t want us to think for a moment we can do it or gain it without His help…not because He is a tyrant..but because He has so much to offer us if we will just lift our hands to His…. our very hearts to Him….

In our neediness we recognize His goodness…we recognize the true reason for the season…. gratitude to the Father for His goodness to us….

                             The Promise….The Blessing….The Harvest

To You, O great God and King…We give our worship and our praise. We do not breathe or feel the heartbeat beneath our chest even one day without Your power holding us….You are our provider and our great Love. We honor You this Thanksgiving season. We thank you for all Your great provision. We rest in Your care for the new year…….

 

There is room …..

   There is room at the Cross for me. There isn’t room for me in your circle. There isn’t room for me in your conversation. There is room for me at the Cross. There isn’t room for me in your home. There isn’t room for me in your heart. There is room for me at the Cross. There isn’t room for you to share your name with me. There isn’t room for me to have a part in the inheritance you leave your kids. There is room for me at the Cross. At the Cross I find a home. A heart. A circle. A name. An inheritance. There isn’t room for you to love me. At the Cross I find love. There is no room for the emotional healing I need. At the Cross I find emotional healing. Your circle is too full. I found a circle that never gets too full. At the Cross.

Producing Much Fruit….

    It’s a beautiful Autumn day. Yesterday was rainy.

That tends to make me more melancholy than I am comfortable with…so today’s sunshine is a real blessing for me. As the rain continued through the day yesterday, I found myself giving way to all the emotional turmoil that goes along with it. I prayed through difficult areas. It was a painful day. And at the end of the day…after suffering emotionally and spiritually all day long…the Lord whispers to me… “I want you to die to yourself”…… 

   Die to myself? More of that. Yes. More of that. For years that has been the call. For years. And early on I prayed for it. I foolishly asked for this pain… or…perhaps not so foolishly…. 

     

Amen, amen, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies, it produces much fruit. John 12:24 The New American Bible

   Last night was my midweek service. I teach kids….teach them week after week. Deal with attitudes. Deal with lack of participation. Deal with kids not learning how to do the work and giving me excuses. I get bitter. I get tired. I don’t want to do it. Then three little kids showed up. Last night. Three little kids. Three little kids who don’t normally come. Three little hungry kids. Hungry for love. Hungry for food. Hungry for acceptance. Hungry for Jesus. Three little kids. It’s amazing what a difference three little kids can make. After I handed out all the ice they wanted and shared all the music time I could…I loved on those three kids. I helped them feel that love during lesson time. I gave them a maternal place to turn during snacks and play time. I tried to be Jesus to them. Three little kids. To all of them. Not just the three…but I must admit…the three gave me the needed lift to keep going for all of them. 

   I prayed for those kids to come and be a part of our Wednesday nights. I pray for the kids of the community to come. It is a rough neighborhood. Those kids come from backgrounds we don’t really want to know about. Those kids are hungry for so much. They don’t act right. They don’t dress right. They don’t look right. They don’t feel right. Their experience isn’t right. But they are right. In the eyes of God they are lovely. And God desires them for His Heavenly Kingdom…. 

   “I want you to die to yourself” …. 

                      What does dying look like? I mean…what would it look like in your life? In my life it is giving up desires. It is giving up dreams. It is laying down what could be pretty and comfortable for what is real and needed. It means that I won’t get to have the picture perfect life. Big surprise there. I didn’t have it anyway. It means that I will have to live with less. But if that grain of wheat drops to the ground it will produce much fruit. So what do I want? Do I want to just be a grain of wheat? Do I want to fall to the ground? Do I want to die to myself and produce much fruit? 

   The fruit is something the farmer has to wait on. When that wheat seed is put in the ground there is not an immediate crop ready to harvest. Perhaps that is why this has been a long process. I’ve been praying this prayer for sixteen years. I don’t yet know where I am in the process. I hope further along than I was. 

   Three little kids at the end of one tormented day. Three little kids. I was reminded of all the ones I haven’t met yet. All the ones who are hungry. All the kids who have those marks under their eyes…a revealing sign that they haven’t eaten well in a while. I was reminded of those pleading eyes…so many pleading eyes I haven’t seen yet. Eyes begging for love and acceptance. Eyes ready to see Jesus be real in someone. Can I be that someone? 

   Only if I fall to the ground and die to myself….. 

                        

   Lord, I don’t have the strength to die to myself. You and I know that. I don’t have what it takes to produce fruit. Not on my own. It takes all the sanctifying power of the Savior …all the grace… all the mercy….all the abiding in the Vine I can get…. and even then…it won’t be me. It will be You. Help me to look out there and see the labor and think of the harvest. Help me not to give up. Help me to be Jesus to those kids. Help me to be Jesus to those adults. Help me to die to myself and bear much fruit…. I need you Father. I can’t do it unless you are right there in the midst of all of it. 

              Today…..I surrender……

                            Help me to do that tomorrow as well…….. 

                                                and the next day………

                                                               and the next…….

 

Morning to Mourning to Morning

   Remembering those lost this year. Not truly lost, as I know where they are. Bright mornings and sad days….leaving no place for the light to shine….these were my October experiences.

   The colors are bright now….at their peak. From weeds to the adored…..

   All are dressed with royal adornment…..

      It reminds me…. those who passed on this year…..how majestic is the Heavenly adornment! How glorious the peace! I long to know the peace and the joy of a place I call home, yet have never seen.
   In many ways this is a sad season. Watching leaves die and fall. Sensing the bitter cold as it approaches. Longer nights and cloudy days….yet these are a reminder that our life here is temporary. Just as we long for summer during those cold winter days…..we long for home during this pilgrim stay.
   Home is coming……be patient fellow travelor…..home is coming…..

What Does A Jonah Do?

   What if God asked you to give it all up?

                    What if He said….”None of this belongs to you. If you want to follow Me, you must give it up. Let go of home, family, car, money, dreams, friends, reputation, protection, even having your very needs met.”

           Would you still follow Him?

                                           I sometimes think I would jump ship….

                           

                                            As a matter of fact, I’ve jumped ship more than once already……

              Can I be honest? Would that fit here? I’ve jumped ship. I have. Not because I wanted to. Not in the spirit. No, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. That flesh has ruled me way too many times. It has led me to shame and to covering up because of that shame. It has led me to seek comfort and to fussing at my husband because of the lack of “my” comfort. It has led me to do what was in my best interest instead of the best interest of the whole family. I’ve snapped at people. I’ve ignored people. I’ve judged people. I’ve given up on people. I’ve been angry. I’ve been disappointed. I’ve been selfish. I’ve complained about my life. I’ve been negative. I’ve been unwilling to give people a chance. I’ve been moody. I’ve been proud. I’ve neglected a responsibility. I’ve tried to sound smart in a response on someone else’s post so I would look super spiritual. Let’s just face it…I’ve jumped ship.

          

                            I wanted to be special. I wanted to know I was accepted by people AND by the Lord. I wanted to be what I could not be on my own…but I missed the whole point to how it happens….so I jumped ship. The Lord said….”be authentic” and I said…”oh…really, really spiritual…yes…that’s what He means” …. The Lord said “love” and I said…”Oh, speak those words of wisdom others OBVIOUSLY miss…..that’s love, right?”  I missed it. And when things got tough I blamed my husband for that. I said…”you just need to get with the program. If you would get with the program we wouldn’t be here. We’re here because of you. All because of you.” I’ve neglected to love him Biblically. I’ve neglected to respect him and honor him and let people see the good things in him because they might also see the bad…and that would shame me…so no…can’t look at him too deeply. Jumpin that ship again.

                          

                                   It got cloudy….I could see the rain coming….I knew what that meant…storms….

                As those waters rose I ran…….

   Like Jonah….God was calling him to speak to a city that the Lord deeply cared about. Jonah sought his own desires. He didn’t want to do it. I was that way too. I sought my own way. I didn’t want to go where God was leading me to go. I didn’t want to see those things happen. I knew what it would mean. I knew. Just like Jonah. So…like Jonah…I sought to be dumped over the edge…rather than to obey and say…”I’m not where I need to be. I’ve got to turn around. I won’t put you in danger. I just request you help me get back to my starting place.” Nope. I just said…”Dump me” …….. That was easier. Quitting. That was going to be less revealing. I could always blame that on someone else.

     

         One thing I’ve learned….if you love the Lord….there is always a springtime in your faith. There’s always a place where you start to realize and you begin to turn from the sin that still sits within you. You begin to be crafted by the potter Himself into a useful vessel…..

        That was my experience….. I realized I wasn’t looking at things correctly. It was never about what I wanted. It was never about my safety or my reputation or my needs or my desires. It was about His plan. His promise to me was that He would love me and never leave me….same promise He gives us all…it wasn’t that He would shield me from every single thing that would be uncomfortable. And even in not shielding me…He would use that to cause others who had been more faithful servants…understand how to help those who hadn’t been. He would use my failures for the Kingdom. Not that He desired I do those things. Just that He can and will use any area of our lives when those areas are fully submitted to Him.

          

               I turned around. I walked back to that place He wanted me to be in. It wasn’t a short journey. I dare say I’m still on that road back. Life is a process. But the beautiful thing is that each and every step “back” is a step I don’t have to take alone. He is on that road with me. That’s a promise…..

                   

                       The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. Ps 23:1KJV

Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Ps 23:4 KJV

Father, I want to be authentic….You and I both know how much I need You. How little I know. How little in me is worth keeping. Let Your glory shine to those who need Your encouragement. Thank You for saving me from myself…..

The Daily Challenge….Our Calling

The daily efforts I make…they seem small…even unimportant….until I find myself with my arms wrapped around my little boy and his arms wrapped around me. Then I really don’t care if I ever have a different career or if I am ever known or respected. It’s in that place that this matters. Nothing and nowhere else. That is my calling. I may have giftings…but only one calling. I may have abilities…but only one calling….and that calling is where I need to focus. It’s a challenge. It’s a challenge to make sure that all those I love feel loved by me while I labor in my calling. 

That’s my daily challenge…fitting it all in…but I’m grateful for the Lord who watches over my daily calling and gives me grace to perform it….. 

                                                                                          

Virtue

Virtue.

      Moral Excellence.

                       Our Father asks it of us.

                                                      He doesn’t say it is a good idea.

                                                                                                He commands it.